


Fabulist Flu

by Never_Eat_Sour_Wheat



Series: The Yugo Limbo Extended Universe [2]
Category: Ah! He's Sick!, Smile For Me (Video Game)
Genre: Father-Daughter Relationship, Gen, I still don't know what to tag these things, Illnesses, Medical Procedures
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:20:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26207068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Never_Eat_Sour_Wheat/pseuds/Never_Eat_Sour_Wheat
Summary: Kamal gets sick for the first time since he moved to Gwomp, and he's got to find a new doctor, soon.
Relationships: Kamal Bora & Dr. Boris Habit, Kamal Bora & Putunia Mollar
Series: The Yugo Limbo Extended Universe [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1903264
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6





	Fabulist Flu

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to emulate Yugo's weird ideas for Hat Doctor's medicine, but I think I failed. It could be worse though! I really hope Hat Doctor is in character, I tried to use what was in the short and the little snippets I've seen from Yugo's twitter to figure him out, and hopefully it isn't too bad. Anyways, I hope you enjoy!

“I think I’m getting sick…” Kamal mumbled. His nose was so stuffy the words came out thick and almost unintelligible. 

Boris tutted quietly through the phone. “I am sorry to hear that, lily,” he said quietly. Kamal was grateful for his quiet tone. He’d had a splitting headache, and Putunia was doing her best to be sensitive, but she was just naturally loud. “Do you think it is anything serious?”

“I mean… Putunia had a pretty nasty cold last week. And… and apparently the flu’s been going around in her school.” Kamal had to hold the receiver away from his face as he sneezed. He groaned quietly and brought the phone back to his face. “I think it might be the flu… whatever it is, I definitely can’t go to work. And… and rent’s almost due, and we’re a little short…”

“I will spot you, Kamal, do not worry,” Boris said, and his tone was so warm and sweet that Kamal couldn’t object. “You should probably see a doctor as well…”

“I haven’t found a good one yet,” Kamal said. “I was looking for pediatricians when Putunia got sick, but she pulled through all right so I stopped looking.” He sighed. “By the time I find a good place, I’ll probably be better.”

“I have a friend in Gwomp who is a doctor!” Boris said excitedly. “He is very reliable!”

“Are you sure?” Kamal asked. “I mean… I trust you, Boris, I do, but… well, you don’t have a good track record with the whole… doctoring thing.”

“He has helped me multiple times! Although I still think he is wrong about scoliosis…” The last part was mumbled, and Kamal vaguely remembered a very wordy poster from the Habitat. “Still! He is very helpful, and very accommodating!”

“If you’re sure… give me a second to find paper to write down the address on,” Kamal said. He stumbled around in the kitchen for some paper and a pencil, and brought it back to the phone. Boris relayed the address, and Kamal excused himself to take a nap. He needed one, especially since he had to pick up Putunia in an hour. The house would be loud again then. He set an alarm and climbed into bed for a little while.

He’d see Boris’s doctor tomorrow.

* * *

“This was a bad idea,” Kamal mumbled to himself.

As weird as they were, Gwomp’s fish busses were at least fast. And they stopped right at this place for some reason, so it was a plus to take them. Although he did throw on a mask from work just to make sure he didn’t get anyone else sick. He was standing in front of the address that Boris had given him, and he already knew this was going to be bad.

“Meat and Medicine”. What kind of sign was that? What kind of establishment was this? They sold meat here? And were a doctor’s office? 

Kamal almost turned around to catch the next bus out of there, but he couldn’t quite make himself. He didn’t have any other doctors to go to, and this place didn’t look… too sketchy. It looked pretty nice honestly… So, he stepped inside and went up to the front desk.

“Meat or medicine?” The woman behind the desk asked. Her head was a set of dentures. Kamal did a double take at that. Lots of weird memories about that… 

“Uh… medicine,” Kamal mumbled. 

“Wait on the couch,” the tooth woman said.

Kamal stepped into the waiting room. There was… a potted plant with legs sitting on the couch. It was vibrating slightly. Somehow, this was becoming more and more like something that Boris would definitely recommend. Kamal took a deep breath and sat on the opposite end of the couch. He just hoped the vibrating wasn’t anything dangerous.

The “The Doctor is In” sign still hadn’t lit up when a very sick looking Tanya Toothbrush was ushered into the office by her father. She immediately went to sit beside Kamal while her dad talked to the tooth woman at the desk. “Run while you can,” she whispered to Kamal.

“What?” Kamal asked.

He wouldn’t get an answer though, because the sign lit up, and a small man in a hat stepped out of the back room. “Hello Tanya!” He said, sounding chipper. Tanya glared at him and didn’t reply. “I’ll get to you in a moment, gotta take care of our other friend here first!” The man (who Kamal really hoped was the doctor but also really hoped wasn’t) pointed to Kamal and gestured for him to follow him.

“I’ll plan your funeral,” Tanya whispered as Kamal stepped into the doctor’s office.

The doctor’s office looked… pretty normal. The decor was interesting, very meat themed, but maybe this was what they meant by meat and medicine. That’d be fine by Kamal. The doctor patted the examination table. “No need to be nervous, sweet cheeks!” He said. “I’ll take good care of ya!”

“Um… yeah,” Kamal mumbled. He sat on the examination table, and the doctor began to look him over. It seemed… relatively normal. “Um… I’m sorry, but I never really caught your name?” Boris hadn’t told him anything besides “he’s a friend and doctor”.

“Hat Doctor!” The doctor said.

“That’s… your name?” Kamal asked.

“As far as anyone’s concerned, yes!” Hat Doctor said. “But if some jacked guys in a black van show up and show you my picture with a different name, you gotta deny ever seeing me.” His voice was deadly serious, but he laughed a moment later. “Just kidding! Now, tell me what’s wrong!”

“Uh…” Kamal was definitely sweating. He trusted Boris but… wow… “I think it’s just the flu honestly. It’s going through my daughter’s school, and it’s all the symptoms of it.”

“Oh, are you the doctor now?” Hat Doctor asked. He put his hands on his hips and looked at Kamal teasingly.

“I mean… kinda,” Kamal said. “Dental assistant.”

“Wait a minute…” Hat Doctor looked him up and down, before his face lit up. “You’re Kamal Bora!”

“Um… yeah!” Kamal said. “I guess… I guess Boris has told you about me?”

“I helped him run the background check when he hired you!” Hat Doctor said. “You’re a goody two shoes, huh? Although you had a little fun in high school, but, who doesn’t?” Hat Doctor winked at Kamal, and he couldn’t help being afraid of how much this man knew about him. “All right sweet cheeks, I’ve got just what you need!”

“What’ve I got?” Kamal asked. 

“Fabulist Flu, very serious case too,” Hat Doctor said. “You should be spouting fairy tales any minute now!”

“What?!?” Kamal asked. “What even is that?”

Hat Doctor looked at him like he had two heads, but only for a moment. “You’re from where Boris is from, right?” He asked.

“Russia? No,” Kamal said.

“But you’re not from around here,” Hat Doctor said. “Gwomp’s a very interesting city Mr. Bora. I’ve never been anywhere like it, and I’ve gotten around.” He began to dig around in a drawer. “We’ve got very different things going on here.” He pulled something out of the drawer, and presented it to Kamal.

“Is that… is that a turnip with human eyes?” Kamal asked.

Hat Doctor nodded. “Cook it into a stew. Add anything you want, except carrots. Should fix you up just fine!”

“Look, okay, fine, I get that things are ‘different’ here, but I am not doing that! That thing… it’ll just make me sicker, I know it!” Kamal said. He couldn’t help raising his voice, but the way Hat Doctor looked him over made him even more anxious.

“Smart boy,” Hat Doctor finally said. “Did Tanya tell you about me?”

“What?” Kamal asked.

“Nevermind!” Hat Doctor said. He stuffed the turnip back in the drawer and began to dig around in the one beside it. He pulled out a small recorder and quickly put it together. “Blow in this. A C note, if you know that,” he said.

Kamal took it and looked it over. At this point, he was willing to do anything to get out of here, so he blew into the recorder. He didn’t know the fingers for a C note, so he just put them down in a random order. Hat Doctor looked pleased though, and he pulled the recorder out of Kamal’s mouth. “All right! You should be better tomorrow! Call if you start saying anything like ‘once upon a time’,” he said.

“Thanks, Doc,” Kamal said. Hat Doctor tipped his hat, and then ushered Kamal out of his office. “Uh… do I pay at the desk, or…”

“I’ll send you a bill!” Hat Doctor said.

“But I didn’t give an address,” Kamal said. He only then realized he hadn’t given anyone any of his information, and if Hat Doctor hadn’t recognized him, he probably wouldn’t even have known his name.

“I’ll ask Boris! No big deal!” Hat Doctor said. He shoved Kamal out of his office and into the waiting room. 

Tanya was still on the couch, looking miserable. She looked Kamal up and down, and nodded. “Thanks,” she mumbled, turning to Hat Doctor, “he’s my friend’s dad. Didn’t want him dead.”

“I don’t kill my patients!” Hat Doctor said, although he sounded entirely too calm about the accusation. “It would be bad for business!”

Tanya’s dad (Kamal really should learn his name) signed something to her, and she sighed. “Sorry, Hat Doctor,” she mumbled, but she didn’t sound happy about it.

“Nothing to worry about!” Hat Doctor said. “Bora, scram. I’ve got another patient.”

Kamal blanched at his suddenly cold tone, and quickly scurried for the exit. He wanted out of there anyways. He slipped his mask on and got on the next fish bus, which luckily didn’t take too long to arrive. He took the ride in silence, and stepped into his and Putunia’s apartment carefully. He locked the door behind himself, suddenly very anxious. He went to lie down. He’d call Boris in a few hours to ask him, “What the fuck?”. For now, he needed a nap.

* * *

Kamal didn’t end up calling Boris for a week. Mostly because he actually got a lot of his answers from Putunia and Tanya.

“There was a kid in class that started telling fairy tales in the middle of class today,” she said on the drive home from school the day that Kamal went to the Meat and Medicine office. “The teacher sent him home cuz he was sick. She said he had the flu, but I’ve never heard of a flu that made you tell stories!” Putunia giggled. “It was funny!”

“Sounds like it,” Kamal mumbled. 

“Tanya wasn’t in class today though,” Putunia said, her voice much sadder now. “I hope she’s okay.”

“I think she will be,” Kamal said. “I saw her while I was at the doctor’s today. She looked sick, but I’m sure she’ll get better.”

“Okay!” Putunia said, having already bounced back. “Can we have mac and cheese for dinner?”

“That sounds great, hon,” Kamal said, because it really did.

Tanya was over at their apartment three days later. She looked fine now, and her dad said she hadn’t shown symptoms for a full day (Kamal still forgot to ask for his name). Tanya asked Putunia to grab something from her room, before cornering Kamal in the living room. “Don’t go back to Hat Doctor,” she said. “I think he is doing something illegal with his meat. And his medicine is always second rate. He gives the cheapest option first, and half the time his ‘real’ option doesn’t work!” She huffed. “Don’t ever go there again. Especially don’t take Putunia there.”

“I don’t need any convincing, kid, believe me,” Kamal said. His symptoms had stopped like Hat Doctor said they would, and apparently the illness was real, but he wasn’t about to go back to that awful place again. “You want me to talk to your dad about you going there?”

“Nah,” Tanya said. “I’m used to it.” She shrugged, and Kamal didn’t have a chance to say anything else before Putunia came back. Soon the two girls ran off to play superheroes, leaving Kamal in the living room. He sat on the couch and tried to drive everything about “Meat and Medicine” from his mind.

He called Boris a week later, because he got the bill.

“BORIS!” He screamed into the receiver, ignoring Boris’s surprised yelp. “Why did your doctor friend send me a bill for almost four thousand dollars for what was basically a walk in clinic?!?”

“Oh! He gave you the discount!” Boris replied happily.

“What?!?” Kamal asked. “What does he usually charge?”

“I believe… seven thousand?” Boris said, and Kamal could practically see him shrug.

“You’re paying for this,” Kamal said. “And I’m never going there again.”

“I’m sorry, Kamal,” Boris mumbled. “I forgot how steep his prices were…”

Kamal sighed. “It’s okay, big guy,” he said. “Just… never again…”

“Did it at least work?” Boris asked.

Kamal groaned in frustration. “Yeah… yeah, it did.”


End file.
